Gratitude

A few months back I was talking to my mom. My mom is an amazing woman. She is one of the strongest people I have ever met and never is afraid to admit her mistakes so she and others can learn from them. I was going through a particularly rough patch at that point in time and I was telling her how I had wanted so badly for my marriage to work out. I didn't want to be divorced. I didn't want to have to start from ground zero. I didn't want to live with roommates and more than anything, I didn't want to go back to the world of dating. My mom told me something that I will never forget. She said, " I know honey. I know you wanted your marriage to work and you wanted to be married, and you don't get that one thing right now. BUT, think of all the other things you can have. Think of all the dreams and goals you have. Think of all the things you like to do. You can have all those things. You can travel, live wherever you want, go to grad school, develop new hobbies...etc. You can can have all those things, thousands of experiences and opportunities, you just don't get that one thing...right now." It gave me perspective. As I have pondered it more and more, I realize that really what my mom was saying is be grateful for the opportunities and where your life is at now.

I remember as a 15 year old teenager, I thought my life would start when I turned 16. I wanted to be older. I thought life would be more fun, exciting and better. My mom always told me "Ash, you only get to be 15 once in your whole entire life. You better live it up and make it the best 15th year ever." It is so true. It is human nature to always think we will be happy when x,y, and z happen. I will be happy when I am in a relationship or am married. I will be happy when I graduate. I will be happy when I move out of Provo. Happiness isn't some magic fairy dust that is sprinkled on you when you turn 16 or you say "I do." Happiness is a choice, a conscience decision to look around and take hold of the opportunities presently available to you. I am 23 years old and I will only be 23 one time in my whole life. I might as well make it the best year so far. I was flipping through the journal I kept while I was in Romania. I stumbled upon a "gratitude" entry. I know, I know, it is kind of Molly Mormon, but it helped me remember the simple goodness found in life. I can honestly say I am happy right now in my life. I have so much to look forward to, so much to learn. I feel I have come leaps and bounds from where I was before. I feel open to life and am not limiting it based on my relationship status. Of course I still have my days and no one can hang streamers for her own pity party like I can, but I truly love life. I love my job; I love my family and I love my friends. I am so blessed. I am ready for big things. I am ready to travel, meet new people, try new things, and maybe even...date! I might have to retort that last one. I'll get back to you in few weeks. Life is too short not to enjoy, regardless of one's circumstances.

I decided to share with you a few things for which I am grateful. Please feel free to share add to the list via comments.

I am grateful for:

-Family because I love them no matter what and they love me despite my faults- we stick together
-Good friends- I have amazing friends. My life has been so enriched by my relationship with such amazing people
-Breathtaking views-because you feel so small in the majesty of the Lord's creations
-Little hands clasping your pinky- It makes you realize how much God loves his children and how perfectly innocent they are. It makes me stand in awe at his creations
-Dancing- because you are free. I like dancing alone in my apartment and singing at the top of my lungs.
-Laughing until your stomach and face ache
-Finding the perfect gift for someone
-Going on a good hard run
-Feeling the sunshine on your face
-Butterfly, Eskimo and Cow kisses (giving them, not receiving them…thanks Larue)
-Driving with the windows down and the music up
-Tickle wars, water fights, and midnight giddiness
-Mom's hugs- especially when she hasn't seen me in awhile…I also love the look she has in her eyes- I don't know how to explain it…I guess it's just love
-Sittin on Papa Hook's lap
-Inside jokes- because most of the time they are so stupid, but so funny
-Uncle Fred's shaving advice
-The Atonement of Jesus Christ- It gives me hope and strength and provides me a way to return back to my Heavenly Father.